The Power of L.O.V.E.
Anytime is an ideal time to practice focusing on the power of L.O.V.E. Not the romantic kind that society and the media promote, including roses, gifts, cards, and candlelight dinners, although they have their place. I’m suggesting the power of LOVE where you “LET OTHERS VOLUNTARILY EVOLVE.” Trust me; I know this is a tall order for most humans, including me. I’m continually working on it with regular setbacks. And so are those that I coach or mentor in this area. The good news is with discipline and commitment, slow incremental progress can be made.
The kind of LOVE I encourage you to consider, particularly in this relentless period of loss, grief, pain, and hardship for so many, is the kind of love where you demonstrate support, encouragement, respect, and acceptance of others for WHO they are and where they are at today.
Here are two specific behavioral tips for practicing:
- Refrain from giving unsolicited advice and shift into offering compassion and acceptance of another’s challenges and a new perspective if it’s wanted. When you allow others to learn what they need to for themselves, in their own time due to their own experiences, that is genuinely showing L.O.V.E. There’s a saying that “giving unsolicited advice can be viewed as criticism.” When an individual shows L.O.V.E., they are not busy trying to fix other people or tell them what to do. They are not filled with self-righteousness or self-importance. They are humble and confident enough to know that they don’t have all the answers and smart enough to know that the only one they can change is themselves. They focus on accepting that person exactly as they are. If you’re asked for advice, of course, you can offer a new perspective as this can prove useful. If you want to really stretch, you can say, “I’d be happy to offer my advice, but I have a feeling the answer may be inside of you. “What are you thinking, and how would you like to handle it? How can I best support you right now?” When you remain composed and in your power and allow others to step into theirs while meeting them where they are, this is L.O.V.E.
- Refrain from listening with judgment and impatience and shift into listening attentively to learn and understand. When we prematurely interrupt others out of impatience or judgment or redirect the conversation back to ourselves trying to connect with what the other person is sharing, it usually backfires. All too often, we may feel pressured to listen and move on so as not to waste time; some even listen while texting and not even making eye contact. We may feel pressure to produce at work, complete more tasks on our to-do list, and be utterly unconscious of the negative impact this behavior has on another. Oddly enough, it seems counterintuitive to spend 5 or 10 minutes of uninterrupted and attentive listening for another person, be it a staff member at work, a family member, or a friend. Remember that the best gift you can give another human being is to allow them to feel heard and understood. This gift offers a very affirming, validating, and soothing effect. It’s a beautiful way to show LOVE by setting other things aside and truly listening with care. Here’s an approach you can try next time you find yourself not having the patience to listen to learn, and understand. “ I would like to listen and understand what you’re saying, but I’m pressed for time. Would it work if I give you 5 or 10 minutes of my undivided attention? This way, I can be fully present.
After coaching thousands of clients over the past 30 years, one theme remains consistent and true. Trying to control another to change to meet your needs, agenda and timetable is futile. And besides, control is just an illusion anyway.
I hope you feel inspired to pursue the power of L.O.V.E. (Letting Others Voluntarily Evolve) and see what the outcomes are.
Please feel free to email me and give me your feedback. I’d love to hear your success stories after practicing this form of L.O.V.E.
Many blessings and joy!
Are you ready to take action and be accountable for your desired results?
Do you want challenge yourself to grow professionally and personally? If your answer is YES to both for creating sustainable change, then contact Nancy to learn more about the steps for getting there.
Nancy Friedberg, M.A.
Master Coach and President, Career Leverage, Inc.
Marshall Goldsmith Certified Stakeholder Centered Coach
Certified Now What? Facilitator